I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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