garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
