I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
