Hey man sorry I got all grabby
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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