I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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