I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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