nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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