just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
