I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
