i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
