i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
