You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Randomize
