Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
