i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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