1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
