I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
