New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
