Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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