my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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