I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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