Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
