Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
