I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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