A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize