I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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