Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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