Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
