she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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