So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
