there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
