I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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