census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
