47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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