shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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