Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
