If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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