Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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