By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
