The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....