what day is it and did you see me today?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.