and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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