yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
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I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
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Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.