am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
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She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
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$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME