that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
