Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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