dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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