my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
