Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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