god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
