Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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