I got chris browned last night
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
