There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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