Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
