Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
True college students do jello shots in the library
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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