Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize