how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
