I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So many bounce houses so little time
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
