Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
