Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
