In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The Olympian is in my bed
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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