There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
