actually, I'm a sock model
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
