its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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