it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
