White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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