I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
