i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
home. puking in laundry basket.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
