You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
