wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
