and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
