you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i came on her dog
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
