You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
