I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
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Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
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Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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