Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
