I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
