I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
