That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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