By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
