This is not my ceiling
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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