I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
