I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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