Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
